Tales of Adventure, Volume 4, Chapter 19: In which we learn the fate of our intrepid treasure hunters

Since we last left the tale of the 25 brave brackets seeking buried treasure in the treacherous jungle, combing the ruins of the lost civilization of the Jayhawk, Tarheel, and Buckeye peoples in the far away land of Basketballistan no word has been heard.  What can have become of their exploits?  Who of their party has taken command of the expedition?

On the morning of March 28, a telegram arrived at the headquarters of the Dutch East Indies Company.  After reading the communiqué the owner of the esteemed trading house, Sir Maximilian van Rheinenkugel, swore a particularly vulgar oath, then handed the note to the company physician, Dr. Marten van Nostrand.  Reading the telegram, Dr. van Nostrand’s face went ashen.  “Dear God,” he stammered.  “Not one…”

Curiosity piquing I awaited further elaboration from Dr. van Nostrand.  With none forthcoming, I then grabbed the telegram from the paralyzed Dr. van Nostrand.  There were three sentences typed:

“None survived.  Killed by natives.  Send replacements.”

And…scene.

That’s right.  After Kansas was unable to withstand the buzzsaw that is the VCU Rams and UNC dropped their game with Kentucky, the last live teams on any of the entries were eliminated.  And like a bunch of postal workers being mowed down by an unhinged former co-worker, all the brackets are dead.

Fear not, there will be other sports with other silly prediction contests, and the Final Four will still go on with its frequent TV timeouts, 30 second timeouts, and full timeouts.  We will still occasionally forget to fast forward through some of the ridiculous ads bought by spendthrift companies who are trying to sell us ridiculous products like motorized tricycles for adults or satellite television.  (Memo to the Can-Am company: a motorized trike is a stupid idea.  Who buys that?  The middle-aged suburbanite with disposable income aspiring to be a bad-ass outlaw, but can’t ride a bike?  And don’t get me started on that creepy DirecTV ad featuring what appears to be a wealthy Russian mobster…)  Oh, and there will still be some basketball played between all the revenue being generated to net a return on the $10.8 billion invested by CBS and Turner Broadcasting in the coverage of the tournament.  It’ll be okay.

The sun will come up tomorrow…

Li'l Orphan Annie says, "Better luck next year."

And now the final….

Leaderboard Name Total Matias 69 Ben 62 Wilson2 62 Dylann 60 Devin1 57 Cantaloupe 3 56 Tony 56 Joe R. 55 TD2 55 Devin2 54 Ryan 54 Wilson1 53 Healey 52 Regan 52 Steve A. 52 The Champ 52 Serena 50 TD1 50 A. Johnson 49 Oordt2 49 Cantaloupe 2 48 Cantaloupe 1 46 Oordt1 46 TD3 46 Hollah 45

Awards

The Ichiban Means Number One Award goes to Matias Garcia.  Matias wins the Big Prize, a lifetime subscription to MPMN magazine.  And as if that weren’t enough, Matias will also take home 58.4% of the prize purse.

The Thrill of Victory

The First Loser Award goes to…no one yet.  We have a tie between Benjamin and Wilson2.  They can chose to split 37.6% of the pot, which would give them each 18.8%, or they could wait until we get a final score in the championship to break the tie.  2^nd place was originally due 24.0% with 3^rd taking home 13.6%.  Talk it out – or hug it out, if you like – among yourselves, gentlemen.  Weigh the difference between a guaranteed present amount, or a possibly higher future amount.  Apply your best economic thinking and let me know which you prefer.

And most importantly, the Genius Lies On Both Ends Of Bell Curve Award goes to Matthew Hollister, also known to us as Hollah.  Our chum Hollah managed to ride the wave that is Pitt Panther basketball to a massive 45 point output.

The Agony of Defeat

That’s all for the bracket prediction contest.  Now that we’ve established a readership here at the blog, keep checking back for further posting.  I’ll be posting the rest of the week leading up to the semis and final.  Who knows, I might even try live blogging those games.  After that, we’ll keep the blog going with more hilarity, but probably less basketball analysis.

Where is Gus Johnson When You Need Him?

Ohhhhhhh, yes.  Yes.  Yes.  Yes, yes, yes.  I can't think of anything I would have wanted more than for the Bulldog Butlers to get to play VCU in the Final Four.  Plus, the highest seed to make it to Houston is the #3 UConn Huskies, as well as this being the first time no 1 or 2 seeds have made the Final Four.  I now have a grin on my face that will be cemented in place for a week.  Or, until reality sets in on Monday's first dive into the office email.  But until then, who cares.  I'm loving the college basketball gods right now.

#11 VCU vs. #1 Kansas
We all know how great a game this was to watch with the impressive Rams running away with the game late in the second half.  After falling behind in the early going (see below), VCU never trailed.  At one point at the end of the first half their lead was 18.  Naturally, the Jayhawks made a run and got within 2, but the experienced Rams held them off and expanded their lead down the stretch before finally winning by 10 in the end.  The last #1 seed went down to a team that "wasn't supposed to make the field of 68."  This is why I love this tournament.

Duck, it's more bullets:

• Most comical "analysis" from the screaming morons:  "VCU cannot let Kansas get out to an early lead."  What was it, 11-2 in favor of the Jayhawks in the early going?  Here's a better approach fellas.  "The team that scores more points than its opponents should win."
• Hats off to VCU head coach Shaka Smart, which is the best superhero alter-ego name I've ever heard.  He is getting the most out of his team through excellent motivation, preparation, and tactics.  This is why a lot of smaller hoops programs have a hard time sustaining success.  Every time a little school develops an up and coming coaching talent there are countless underperforming big conference teams waiting in the wings to lure him/her away with better facilities, more pay, greater media exposure, etc.  Let's hope the temptation to make an order of magnitude more money is less attractive than going 9-7 in the SEC for Shaka.
• In the current state of basketball economics, the biggest young talents get identified very early, shepherded off to the top prep, college, and/or pro teams.  VCU is a great example that sometimes athletic talent develops at different rates.  I'm sure none of the current Rams were heavily recruited, but given a chance to play regularly and gain experience, their talents and intelligence are now showing through.  They are no less capable of playing great ball than any of the blue-chip recruits destined for the high profile schools.
• Marv Albert and Steve Kerr were claiming that this was the biggest upset in Big Danced history.  I don't know about that.  It's definitely up there.  Top ten for sure, but NC State in 1983, or Villanova in 1985 have to be bigger upsets due to the way those games transformed college basketball.  Disagree?  Hit the comments with your biggest upset.
• I am still loving the whole storyline about VCU not being worthy to even be in the tournament.  Obviously, they have the talent, coaching, experience, and teamwork to make the Final Four, but does that necessarily mean their body of work from the regular season was strong enough to get an invite?  Thinking like an economist, we might question whether it does.  I'm not saying that I didn't think VCU was deserving.  I do.  It's just that on a purely objective basis, any team stringing together a bunch of impressive wins in a row can sometimes be a mere artifact of randomness.  Just like looking at random coin tosses, or in baseball when the Royals rattle off 10 wins in a row every so often.  They are still a terrible team.  Something like an infinite number of monkeys typing out the works of Shakespeare.
• Kansas has now lost to Northern Iowa and VCU as a #1 seed the last two years.  Parody anyone?

#2 North Carolina vs. #4 Kentucky

(Disclaimer: I'm, at best, a casual basketball fan who really only pays attention to the college game for no more than six weeks every spring.  NBA?  No thanks.  Plus, I never had enough free time to play it as a youth due to it's season being concurrent with hockey.)  Why was I not that into this game?  Was it because it was a matchup of traditional powers who were last relevant in the '90s?  Was it because both teams play disciplined, clean basketball with little flair or excitement like a regular season NBA game where the difference between the two teams is slight and the final difference in the games comes down to highly technical strategy and tactics that are inaccessible to the less knowledgeable fan?  Why couldn't I get behind Kentucky who beat Ohio St. or UNC with their argyle trim on their uniforms?

Ultimately, I blame Jim Nance.  He has to be one of the least interesting basketball commentators there has ever been.  He sounds like he'd be more at home covering golf or badminton.  If only there was some big golf tournament that CBS also regularly covers so that he could be better utilized...

I mean, come on CBS.  There was a freaking finger-roll in this game.  Somewhere Gus Johnson was loosing his shit in the privacy of his hotel room.  Nance didn't even mention George Gervin, or yell "The Ice-Man Cometh!"

Thankfully, the Tar Heels fought back to within two with about five minutes left, salvaging an otherwise bland game.

Not really complaining, though.  Three of the four games this weekend were sublime, and the fourth was very good.  Thanks Big Dance for filling our athletic drama quota for this week.

And now, it's...
The Leaderboard


...


(With the excitement of the chaotic results from this weekend I just can't focus on something so mundane as accounting.  Score update coming soon.  Stay tuned.  Same Bat channel, different Bat time.)

A Great Evening of Basketball

Saturday's games proved for the 4,000th time that the Regional Finals are where it's at in terms of exciting, close games in the NCAA Division 1 Men's Basketball Tournament.  Of course, we all remember - except those who don't remember -  the Duke/Kentucky game from 1992 when Christian Laetner was officially canonized into the sainthood of the Church of Disney Entertainment of Modern Day ESPN.  Today, though, there were two games that shall be remembered in the pantheon of great college basketball.

Southeast Regional Final: Florida vs. Butler
What a great game.  This one was tight all the way down the stretch after the Bulldog Butlers fought back to make it close at halftime.  Other than some bad fouls by both sides late, this was A Great, Close Basketball Game where the lead constantly fluctuates and the outcome is in doubt until the final buzzer.  Some observations:

• There were some silly fouls, far away from the basket in the late stages of this game.  I'd question the coaching acumen from both teams, but I know better.  This was likely the case of the pressure of finishing an important game getting to both teams.
• I was more than a little trepidatious when I saw that Reggie Miller was set to join the tremendous broadcast duo of Gus Johnson and Len Elmore for CBS, both of whom I f#@king love to listen to on a broadcast.  Remember, I'm the guy that argued for muting the center channel of your surround sound system, lest you be subjected to the annoying blather and/or embarrassing man-crushes of the other play-by-play teams.  Anxiety wasted.  Miller was an effective addition to one of the best sports commentator teams at work today.  Reggie, who is highly intelligent and well-spoken, was able to seamlessly integrate himself with the erudite and volatile Johnson, as well as the stately and wise Elmore.  This was a case of the sum being greater than the parts.  Amusingly, there were a couple of times when the excitable Gus Johnson was ready to "go all Vesuvius on our asses", but either a foul was called or the shot was missed, robbing us of a classic Gus Johnson freak-out.
• Shelvin Mack undressed the Gator defense with a great stutter step at about the 4 minute mark.  This sublime individual play prompted Gus Johnson to pontificate, "The Euro-Stutter-Step!  Manu Ginobili is jumping up and down on his couch right now!"
• The Bulldog Butlers head coach, Brad Stevens, looks so young that I bet he gets carded at Trader Joe's even after the clerks know him by name.  The 33 year old Stevens is slight of build and bespectacled, making him appear to be the answer to the question, "What would the Harry Potter of college hoops look like?"  Stevens must have a potion or two up his sleeve, because baby-face has a Coach K-like record of 116-24 as a head coach.  Yes, Virginia, that's an .828 win percentage.
• Butler got several favorable "shooter's rolls" in O.T.  Their free throws were often ugly, but they found the bottom of the net when it counted.
• Several times during the last few minutes Reggie Miller stated that "this is Matt Howard time."  Really?  'Cause it looked a lot like it was really the Ronald Nored and Khyle Marshall show to me.  Them and Shelvin Mack making his free-throws was the difference in the final minutes.
• Most of you know that I find cultural stereotypes corrosive to our collective journey from ignorant tribalism to enlightened transcendentalism, but Matt Howard is white.  He is so white that he makes Larry Bird look like Greg Gumbel.

West Regional Final: UConn vs. Arizona

This was a strange game.  The best analogy for the way this game proceeded would be a pendulum.  The final verdict was a narrow margin of victory, but there were wild swings in who controlled this game.  One side would assert dominance on the contest and go on a lopsided run, then the other team would take over in a similar manner.  The swings in this game were whiplash inducing.  Interestingly, the streakiness in scoring was perfectly correlated to the ability of one team to grab offensive rebounds.  Some observations:

• Arizona looking early on that they are going to run away with it.  If they hold on to win, their march to the Final Four is as inexplicable as the Wildcats' 1997 National Championship.  That year will always resonate with your intrepid blogger, because that was the year Brandon Johnson's girlfriend won our bracket pool solely by picking which mascots she liked better.  Simply evil.
• Verne Lundquist, who can finally stop talking about his man-crush on Jimmer He Who Will Not Be Named, claimed that Arizona had an advantage because the game was being played in Anaheim, CA.  To which I call bullshit.  Tickets for these events are allocated roughly evenly, and there is no shortage of wealthy, jet-setting alumni at any major D1 basketball school in the nation.  Listen close.  For every "U of A" chant, there is a rejoining "U-Conn" chant.
• Arizona was ridiculously dependent on Derrick Williams.  We saw what he did to the Dookie on Thursday, but when he had to sit down with foul trouble in the first half, UConn ran off a 22-7 streak.  After he returned in the second half, the 7 point UConn halftime lead evaporated, and then some.  Williams took more free throws than anyone else in D1 this year, meaning he was a disproportionately large part of the Wildcat offense.  The fact that he couldn't hit his shot in the waning moments sunk the 'Cats chances.
• It was nice to see Arizona coaching legend Lute Olson in attendance at this game.  Unfortunately, CBS thought it more important to put Wildcat alum, current Laker, and son of the Biggest-Blow-Hard-This-Side-Of-Oprah, Luke Walton on camera incessantly throughout the second half.  Definitely a case of inherited glory eclipsing true greatness.  Lute Olson is a class-act.  Luke Walton is an ass-clown.

A great day of college hoops today.  Let's hope tomorrow follows suit.  Score update to come afterward.  Enjoy.

"Driver 8 Take a Break..."

"...We can reach our destination, but it's still a ways away."
The poetic words of Michael Stipe notwithstanding, we have reached the Region Finals stage of The Big Dance.  The remaining eight teams, who have all earned their membership in an exclusive club through hard work, determination, grit and talent, are occasionally applied with the moniker, The Elite Eight.  Waaaaaaaaay back on Selection Sunday - all of 13 days ago - one member of this year's Elite Eight had their tournament bona fides questioned by the screaming morons on ESPN.

Well, funny story.  With a gutsy 72 - 71 overtime victory over Florida State, the VCU Rams not only played their way into the 64 team main field, but have also taken on all comers to make it into the last eight and serve notice to the basketball cognoscenti that the CAA is the new MAC.

Speaking of Middle America, the Bulldog Butlers defeated the Wisconsin Beavers Wolverines Rabid Squirrels Badgers, thus proving that Matt Howard is a better baller than Li'l Orphan Annie.

Without further adieu, here is:
The Leaderboard


Leading the pack with 62 points and a convenient one point lead is...

Ben

Followed by a virtual QMD meeting (Quality Assurance couldn't attend due to scheduling conflicts):
Matias - 61 points
Dylann - 60 points
Devin1 - 57 points

Still within striking distance:
Tony - 56 points
Joe - 55 points
TD2 - 55 points
Devin2 - 54 points
Ryan - 54 points
Wilson2 - 54 points

All tied up with 52 points are:
Healey
Reagan
Steve A.

50 points
Serena
TD1

49 points
A. Johnson
Oordt2


48 points
Cantaloupe 2
Cantaloupe 3

46 points
Cantaloupe 1
Oordt1
TD3

45points
Hollah
Wilson1

And earning today's Irony Defined Award is:
The Champ with 44 points.  Way to go Champ.  The Sombrero of Eternal Sadness is within your grasp.

Now it's more...
Awards
The Rising to Number Two on the Leaderboard with a Bullet Award goes to Matias for collecting 20 points in the Sweet Sixteen round.  Watch out hopeful winners of the big prize, a lifetime subscription to MPMN magazine, Matias still has three of his Final Four picks still alive.


The Why Are Mommy and Daddy Fighting?, Why Did They Stop Loving Me?, Are You Getting a Divorce? Award goes to Devin whose alma matter, the University of Florida, beat Dylann's alma matter, Brigham Young University, on Thursday night.  Now that the intra department cage match is over, the obsequious members of Product Development can now pretend that they were always Gator fans, and never, ever, ever, even looked at the Cougars or Jimmer for even a second.  Honest.


Now for some...
Sad News
One of our comrades has fallen.  With Friday night's elimination of The Ohio State University the Cantaloupe1 entry is deceased.  I remember when it was a newborn bracket, full of pluck, determination, insight, and the hope that Pitt, Notre Dame, Texas, and OSU would make the Final Four.  It was not to be, and a young bracket with so much promise for the future has been snuffed out like a drunk driving teen on prom night.  And like prom night Cantaloupe1 must have been at the wheel of his mom's station wagon stuffed full of his even more inebriated friends and their dates, because these entries -  TD2, Wilson2, Hollah, and TD3 - are all in critical condition, barely hanging on to life as they only have a possible 8 more points to gain.

R.I.P. Cantaloupe1

2011 - 2011

Fun Fact: a Google image search for "cantaloupe" turns up these two fun pics:

Cantaloupe fish sculpture

Cantaloupe sandals

The New Leaderboard, after Thursday's games

Lots of intrigue on Thursday leads us to a new order.

The leader with 54 points is:

Ben

52 points
Dylann
Tony

49 points
Devin1
Matias

47 points
TD2

46 points
Cantaloupe 1
Ryan
Serena
TD1

45 points
A. Johnson

And the rest...
Cantaloupe 2
Cantaloupe 3
Healey
Regan
Steve A.
Joe R.
Devin2
Oordt1
TD3
Wilson2
Oordt2
Wilson1
The Champ

Leading the chase for the Sombrero of Eternal Sadness with 37 points is...
Hollah

Bulldog Butlers for all

In the battle of the ugly white kids, Butler is triumphant.   Another Final Four run?

How the West Was Lost?

Aztecs lose.  Cougars lose.  Maybe the Arizona boys can counter the revenge of the East.

The Dookie is Eliminated

I'm sure Coach K had nice things to say about Arizona.

Sweet Sixteen Party, the un-MTV Edition

After recovering from the four day b-ball bender from last week (I thought that maybe watching a few hockey games this week would be a certain kind of methadone for my Big Dance heroin.  I forgot, however, that I am MUCH more into the Western Conference playoff fight than any kind of hoops, so I had to slowly add in doses of televised golf to even me out.) we are once again ready to do it again.  Eight teams in action today, featuring some tasty matchups.  We will finally find the answers to these pressing questions:

• Is a Blue Devil stronger than a Wildcat?
• Can the Aztecs reduce the number of teams from The Big No-Show to one, and why is Nate Silver defending The Big No-Show's performance in The Times today?
• Is BYU "America's Team" now?  (If you haven't been reading Deadspin lately because you assumed it was still just an asinine, hypercritical, snark-fest...well, it still is.  But, there are now some real journalism, too.)
• Is this man, who is a cross between Li'l Orphan Annie and Carrot Top, capable of leading the Badgers of Wisconsin to victory over the Bulldog Butlers,

.

And why is he tripping this player,

And can anyone look less like Michael Jordan than this red-headed, Isro sportin', secret Bledsoe Axiom usin', dude from St. Paul?

• And finally, is this the new face of Basketball?

Enjoy the games.  Check back tomorrow for a score update.

Taking out the Magic Eight Ball

Breaking out the spreadsheet again to cure your insomnia.  Here's a quick analysis of who has the best shot left at winning the big prize, a lifetime subscription to MPMN magazine.  From the Sweet Sixteen through the final there are 128 points available.  Looking at who is already eliminated from your brackets we can determine the maximum points each entry could get if the remaining games are all predicted correctly.

Name	Current Total	Max future score
Ben	46	166
Ryan	42	162
Matias	41	161
Devin2	38	158
Devin1	45	157
Johnson	45	157
Healey	44	156
Tony	44	156
Dylann	44	156
TD1	46	154
Cantaloupe 3	36	152
TD2	39	151
Wilson1	37	149
Regan	40	148
Steve A.	36	148
Oordt2	36	148
Cantaloupe2	36	148
Oordt1	38	146
Serena	38	142
Joe	43	139
The Champ	36	136
Wilson2	42	126
Cantaloupe1	38	106
Holla	37	101
TD3	38	70

Obviously, there is a lot of reshuffling from this hypothetical leaderboard compared to the current standings.  Wilson2, TD2, and Joe all suffer immensely from the Big East no-show.  (Rechristening that conference "The Big No-Show" would be appropriate.)

At the top is a different story.  The top four on this list could still earn an impressive 120 points.  They weren't swayed by the allure of The Big No-Show, by and large.

From the How the Mighty Have Fallen Department, we have a Gordon sighting.  The reign of The Champ will be short lived.  One year, in fact.  It would take quite a turnaround for him to jump back up there, but then again, isn't that how he won it last year too?

Then there is TD3.  Thanks to Texas' youngsters blowing it against Arizona, and Purdue running into the buzz saw that is the VCU Rams that bracket is K.I.A.  Barring complete armageddon the rest of the way, 32 more points aren't going to win this.  The Sombrero of Eternal Sadness won't have to travel far from it's current home where it has resided ever since the debacle that was the Fall Classic.